Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
