Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
