Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
