I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
