I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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