Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
