I'll bet she douches with gravy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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