started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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