you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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