There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
