You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
