Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
