he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
