Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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