btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
