Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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