this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
