Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
