it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
