The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize