Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
...so i touched it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
now i know why i became what i already was.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
