Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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