He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
