idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize