so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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