Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
