Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize