her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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