I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
