I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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