come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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