Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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