im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
