I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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