its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
