he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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