I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
