i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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