the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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