Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I could fuck to npr.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize