apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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