I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
