Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
