Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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