I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
