i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
