He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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