SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
