wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
