Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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