I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
