Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
