my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
