ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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