So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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