Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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