No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
