like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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