this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
