I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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