Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
