Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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