Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
nutella sex= disaster
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize