Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
