new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
