I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
