the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
