You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
