Porn is love you can see.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
