So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
this is an emotional support booty call
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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