What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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