i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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