ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
