my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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