Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
