yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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