By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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