I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
