Porn is love you can see.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
