Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
