I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
