I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
