two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
