Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
