I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
