Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Randomize
