Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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