If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
