we have pet lesbian snakes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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