This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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