I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
