easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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