Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
