I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
