we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
