i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
