The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That accounts for only three of the penises
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize