theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
