Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
