I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
