So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
