Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
