Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
