WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
