I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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