whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
