textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
