a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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