meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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