I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
